Refuse To Fail

Evaluating Media with a Fresh Mind

2008-06-26T09:20:00.000-07:00

The Daily Om has a great post today on evaluating media with a fresh mind.

"It is up to us to seek out and support media that empowers and informs us, and to say no to media that drains our energy and our hope. "

They also talk about considering a media fast, so that when we return to consuming electronic info, we will approach what we take in with a fresh mind. "A media fast," says Daily Om, "involves not watching television, reading any newspapers or magazines, checking or sending any e-mails, or even talking on the phone."

Have you taken a media fast? If so, for how long? How did it impact your return to taking in daily electronic input?

You're great!

2008-06-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

Rabbi Shlomo of Karlin used to say:

"The worst fault a person can have is to forget his intrinsic greatness as a human being."

From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's Daily Lifts.

Life gets crazy sometimes. Things change. People move on. Clients move on. Priorities shift. All of these can have an impact on you forgetting to take care of yourself.

Today, reaffirm your commitment to being gentle with yourself. Renew your work on self-talk.

See through the mask of mean people

2008-04-07T08:08:00.001-07:00

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, in his Daily Lift e-mail, writes:

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

I wrote about a similar topic on my business blog recently. I was working with an individual last week for whom being mean or angry seemed to be her most go-to and natural emotion. That's a rough way to live. As I wrote in my business blog:

Yelling at a colleague or a customer service rep may temporarily make you feel better, but will it really solve the problem? Probably not. Instead, you may have just spread unhappiness to others, who in turn may become frustrated, hurt or angry and pass it on to another, who passes it on to another and on and on.

My Nana said it best. "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."

Rabbi Pliskin's Daily Lift really caught my eye today. He reminded me that mean people (or angry people) are really just insecure and unhappy under their mask -- a reminder that there is no power in a person's anger and that compassion for that individual frees you from that person's destructiveness.

Jump Start

2008-01-08T05:44:00.000-08:00

"One of the hardest challenges we all face in our lives is staying motivated. No one's fire burns all the time. We actually need that ebb and flow to distinguish where we are and what we need to do to jump-start things."

- Deborah Shane

Between the holidays, the yahrzeit of my mentor on January 3, challenges our older son is facing and some really silly shenanigans by the OMEA against some academic achievers (our younger son is part of the group) at Lakota, I've had real challenges getting back on the horse.

I've also been nagged by a client situation that is just not working out, and have been reluctant to sever the ties.

This morning, as I read the online edition of our local paper, I saw an article that quoted Deborah Shane. I found her comment "We actually need that ebb and flow to distinguish where we are and what we need to do to jump-start things" an intriguing one to consider as I step back onto the horse.

Everyone deals with ebb and flow in their "fire." Take the ebb time and use it for contemplation to help evaluate yourself and your situation and to plan your best attack on jump starting your work.

Have the Talk - dealing with those difficult conversations

2007-11-22T07:25:00.000-08:00

PickTheBrain.com has a great blog entry about survival tips for difficult conversations. This stuff is very appropriate during the holidays, when family has more together time, or you are seeing family members who you don't often see.

The entry reminds us to be direct, and also to remember that someone's testiness is likely due to a larger, underlying issue. (To read the rest of the 5 tips, click here)

The author of this post is Sheila Heen, co-author of the book "Difficult Conversations." Sheila also has a web site entitled "Have the Talk, America."

Having those difficult conversations is a hard thing for many of us. Particularly as women business owners, I believe, many virtual assistants struggle with having the difficult talk with an unreasonable client, or saying "no" to a task that you don't want to do or is outside of your skill set.

Spend a bit of time reading PickTheBrain.com's blog entry, as well as surfing the Have the Talk web site. You'll find some tips there for having that difficult talk, and clearing the air for yourself and possibly your business. Take the "Are You Easy To Talk To?" quiz from the Have the Talk web site below.

Gratitude

2007-11-18T19:14:00.001-08:00

A recent scientific study indicates that gratitude plays a role in our sense of well-being. Some refer to this as the gratitude theory. Do you need a lift? Try this fun, feel good gratitude exercise. See if this list of favorite things lifts your spirits. Really think, feel, and recall each experience, one at a time, before moving on to the next one.

1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.

12. Chocolate milkshake (or Vanilla!) (or Strawberry).

13. A long distance phone call.

14. A bubble bath.

15. Giggling.

16. A good conversation.

17. The beach

18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.

19. Laughing at yourself.

20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

21. Running through sprinklers.

22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful

24. Laughing at an inside joke

25. Friends

26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

29. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

30. Playing with a new puppy.

31. Having someone play with your hair.

32. Sweet dreams.

33. Hot chocolate.

34. Road trips with friends.

35. Swinging on swings.

36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree.

37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.

38. Going to a really good concert.

39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

40. Winning a really competitive game.

41. Making chocolate chip cookies.

42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

43. Spending time with close friends.

44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.

45. Holding hands with someone you care about.

46. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.

48. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

49. Watching the sunrise.

50. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

Kindness

2007-11-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with.

-- Brian Tracy

Learning to live together

2007-10-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box.

-- Robert Fulghum

Overcoming your fear of failure

2007-10-13T19:37:00.002-07:00

PickTheBrain Blog has an entry entitled "Overcome the Fear of Failure."

"Consider the cost of missed opportunities", writes PickTheBrain.com.

"The biggest risk that people fail to consider is the benefit they lose by avoiding high risk/high reward opportunities. In his guide to career planning, Netscape founder Marc Andreesen compares a well managed career to a diversified portfolio. The ideal career contains a wide range of job opportunities (some risky, some safe) that combine to form a relatively safe career with a high potential for growth. Taking high risk opportunities is essential because they offer the greatest reward:"

"The issue is that without taking risk, you can’t exploit any opportunities. You can live a quiet and reasonably happy life, but you are unlikely to create something new, and you are unlikely to make your mark on the world." [read more]

Ethics in Business

2007-10-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

"Those who care about their character and consistently struggle to be good and decent people invariably have better relationships than those who prefer a morally flexible approach.

Traits like honesty, responsibility, compassion, and respect may seem like naïve and expensive luxuries in the hurly-burly competition for advantage, but they are priceless assets when it comes to building sustainable and rewarding relationships with spouses, children, friends, and co-workers. In the end, good relationships marked by love, trust, respect, and kindness are essential to all enduring forms of happiness."

-- Michael Josephson

Do not remain silent

2007-09-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

-- Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

You Live In A World Of Your Thoughts

2007-08-12T07:25:00.000-07:00

You live in the world of your thoughts. A large portion of that world involves the conversations that you are engaged in with yourself.

Throughout the day you engage in self-talk. You comment to yourself about what you are experiencing now, what you’ve experienced in the past, and what you might experience in the future.

There are patterns of self-talk that can create needless and excessive distress, anxiety, anger, fear, and worry. By recognizing the patterns of thoughts that make you feel bad and limit you, you become aware of the negative patterns that you need to reduce.

On the other hand, there are patterns of self-talk that create appreciation and gratitude, happiness and joy, positive character traits and attributes, kindness and compassion, hope and encouragement.

-- Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

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You can talk yourself into a better frame of mind, and into a more motivated state. Realize the power of your self talk. Choose to move yourself to a better place, by what you say to yourself every day.

2007-07-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

When to move on

2007-07-12T07:19:00.000-07:00

As a business owner, stepping away or moving on does not mean you failed.

I was recently talking with a colleague who is working through a difficult client relationship. The client has been unreasonable in the ways that she has treated my colleague, and communication from the client is not complete or adequate -- the client expects some level of mind reading.

It is not easy to end a client relationship, but some times it is the best business decision you can make. The beauty of owning your own business is that you can populate your business with the type of clients and projects you enjoy. Swallowing hard and enduring in a difficult relationship is allowing a business owner to client relationship become an employer to employee relationship. Almost everyone has been in an unpleasant relationship working for an employer. Most of the time, the only way to solve that one is to find another job and stop working for the unpleasant or unreasonable employer.

Refuse to fail -- remember, you are in control of your business and your own destiny! If a client relationship is not working out, it may be time for you to evaluate the situation and decide if your productivity (and sanity) will be enhanced by releasing your client.

Happiness

2007-06-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

"Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length."

- Robert Frost

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I love this quote! It took me some time to learn that life, unfortunately, is not always continuous happiness.

The best advice comes from this Mary Engelbreit quotation, "Bloom where you are planted." Work hard to create the best for yourself with the tools and gifts you've got on hand. Enjoy happiness when it is with you, and during challenging times, work hard and be happy with the blessings you are surrounded with.

Expect challenges. Your reaction sells.

2007-05-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

"Expect challenges. Your reaction sells." Those words, from friend and past client Tom LaSalle, are so very true.

Work (and life for that matter), unfortunately, is not always easy. The way that you choose to react to a situation will sell you and your business, or it may convince your client or prospect to choose another solution provider.

Choose to refuse to fail -- and to react positively -- when faced with your next challenge.

We have all dropped a few

2007-05-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, in his Daily Lifts, writes:

"Excessive guilt feelings for past failings will prevent you from doing more good deeds in the present.

Focus on doing as many good deeds as possible. Imagine a person with a limited time to collect diamonds from a large pile. Whatever he puts in his sack is his. In his haste he might accidentally drop a few. Only a fool would stop collecting more and bemoan his misfortune. Any sensible person would keep focused on the many diamonds he is still able to collect, and work diligently to pick up as many as he can. What is lost is truly a great loss, but he still has an immense amount of wealth to gain by gathering more.

A person who has failed to do some good deed is in a similar situation. If he merely keeps telling himself he is an awful person, it will keep him from trying to do as many good deeds as possible in the present.

Diligently try to do as much good as possible in the present. Every good deed we perform is a valuable jewel. The wise person gathers as much spiritual wealth as possible."

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This morning I was feeling a bit discouraged by having the difficult conversation with one of my valued clients that I recommended we reduce her monthly retainer hour commitment with my business. My choice is to feel discouraged about the loss of time with this valued client, or to continue to "gather my diamonds." The latter choice will propel me forward -- the former will not.

While Rabbi Pliskin's commentary is geared toward encouraging people to do as many good deeds as possible, his thoughts really struck me with regard to my attitudes about business success.

Today, gather your diamonds. Realize you may drop a few in the process, but the wealth and reward you will still collect in the process propels you forward.

Expert of Everything

2007-05-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

"What I do you cannot do; but what you do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful."

- Mother Teresa

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You don't have to be excellent at everything. That's one of the hardest things I've learned as a business owner. When I first began my business, I thought I had to be an expert at everything. I quickly learned that striving for expertise at everything is exhaustingly impossible.

Surround yourself and your business with those who complement what you do. Together, we do wonderful and extraordinairy things!

Don't settle for circumstance

2007-05-13T13:23:00.001-07:00

Refusing to Fail

2007-05-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today, as I was reflecting on my business, I wondered aloud why my business has succeeded, when those around me who seemed strong and capable have not. "It's easy," said my husband. "You refused to fail."

To him it was obvious. For me, in the thick of things, it was not.

There are things in my life I'd like to change, grow and improve. Refusing to Fail is dedicated to all those who struggle with challenges in their work or personal life. Today, choose to refuse to fail.